“I won’t be the first to give in.”
Have you ever thought of that after a fight with your spouse? Do you want to make your partner feel that you are “tough” and not the one that should “open up”?
Yeah, you look tough and strong all right but you could be destroying your marriage in the process. This only creates emotional distance and communication gap between you and your spouse. Leave it unattended, the differences will become too difficult to patch up.
There are also other reasons why a person is not communicating or opening up to his or her spouse. You may want to but your spouse is just a hard nutshell to crack. This can be aggravating but whatever your spouse’s reasons are, they are not stupid. On the contrary, they are pretty valid.
Some of the fundamental reasons why your spouse is not opening up:
* Avoiding conflict and another argument
* Afraid of being judged
* Does not want to be verbally abused
Now, tell me… are these reasons valid or not? Put yourself into your spouse’s shoes. Would you talk to someone as confrontational and judgmental as yourself? Probably not.
Your spouse may be afraid or just do not know how to open up in a way that is acceptable to your ears. He or she may not say much but it is quite certain that there are lots of bottled up emotions to share. It is a must that you encourage your spouse to open up. Knowing how is just as important.
When trying to communicate with your partner, avoid doing these:
* Relentlessly insist your spouse to tell you what is wrong
* Angrily ask your spouse why he or she won’t talk to you
* Telling your spouse that he or she is the one that is destroying your marriage by not communicating with you
* Give ultimatums like, “If you are not talking, then don’t!” (Then leave furiously)
These are the things that you should rather do:
* Listen patiently. If your spouse remains quite, be tolerant; don’t get mad.
* Don’t fill the silence with your chatter. Talking too much will just reduce the chances of your spouse to speak up.
* If your partner talks, let him or her finish sharing her thoughts and feelings. You already had your spouse talking, why defeat your purpose by interrupting?
* Encourage by making your spouse feel that you are not judgmental any longer.
* If you apologize, state the exact reason why you are sorry. Muttering, “I’m sorry.” is an empty phrase. It’s better to say, “I’m sorry for making you feel dejected every time I……”
Communication in marriage is very important. It’s not the differences in values and opinions that matter… what matters is how those differences are dealt with and resolved.
Jennica Grey is an expert in the field of marriage and relationships.
For more great info on communication skills in relationships, visit http://waystosavemarriage.net.
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