Lack of communication is one of the fundamental problems faced by those who are looking to save their marriage. So you have to go back to the basics and re-learn to the art of open communication to give yourselves any chance of success. Sometimes this will not be easy to achieve especially if a lot of hurt has been exchanged and inflicted along the way; but with sheer determination and a strong desire it is possible to restore harmony in your home and save your marriage. For this to materialise, you have to learn how to communicate effectively. Here’s how:
1. Create An Environment Conducive For Addressing Important Issues.
That has worked for me personally time and again; I have learnt over the years how to create that environment in my home. As an example I tend to be most effective when I raise issues just after we have settled down for the evening; have had our meal and are just relaxing watching a casual program to while away the time. The least effective times would be when a more serious or engaging program is on air – like football, formula one racing or a very interesting movie. You might as well be talking to a brick wall at such times. So choose your timings to well to ensure you will get your partners full attention.
2. Verbalize Your Expectations
Just like everything else of importance in your life, planning is important in addressing issues that could save your marriage or break it. Decide beforehand what outcome you will like to have from your discussions and state clearly what your expectations are. Now, this does not mean you have to be high-handed or overly demanding (because approach matter also). But you have to be able to state your desires in a way that your spouse will understand and be able to work with. This is important for both of you in saving your marriage and from there you a mid-point or compromise can be reached if not an outright solution. Like my marriage mother used to say, if you can’t verbalize it, how would you know when a solution has been obtained?
3. Obtain Feedback
In order to save your marriage through open communication, it is important to give and get feedback on your perception of the progress made. Without this crucial step, you will not know when dissatisfaction begins to creep back into the situation. Sharing feedback in this manner means you can nip the problems in the bud and make adjustments as you go along. Most problems are not resolved in a straight line fashion – you have a problem, you get the solution and that’s it. Instead resolutions take time and occur in a zig zag manner, an adjustment here and a tweaking there. Giving and sharing feedback will allow you to know your current status and help you save your marriage.
4. Always Keep The Communication Channels Open
You need to call on your negotiation skills as you attempt to save your marriage. Part of this is making sure there is no breakdown in communication – you need to keep the communication channels open at all times. Allowing a breakdown to occur will only make saving your marriage harder. So as difficult as it may appear, you need to avoid holding grudges and keep talking to your spouse. Talk about the important things and the not so important things. Talk about the past, the present and your future together. Talk about your work and talk about other things that are important to you. In short talk about everything and anything. This will keep the channels of communication well lubricated for when the difficult issues have to be discussed. If all you talk about are your unresolved problems then you will both fall into the habit of arguing all the time; this, unfortunately, is the wrong foundation for saving your marriage.
As addressed in this article, creating the right atmosphere for discussing important issues, clearly verbalizing your expectations, giving and receiving feedback from each other and striving to keep the communication channels at all times will go a long way in helping you save your marriage.
Lara Lawson is a relationship expert. For more great information on save marriage, visit http://www.thesaveyourmarriagecenter.com.
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