Communication on Relationships

My clients who love an addict or an alcoholic often get very frustrated by their inability to have a complete and mature conversation with their loved one. There seems to be a short circuit that takes what they hoped would be a logical conversation and shunts it right into the ground. Once that happens, the conversation loops and swirls in ways that don’t make any sense. Things quickly spin out of control, leaving lots of messy drama and trauma. “I can’t figure out what went wrong!” they say to me in frustration. They start to feel crazy in an upside-down world.

Why is this such a common phenomenon? The truth about addicts is that they stop maturing emotionally when they start drinking or using. Finding ways to escape discomfort became their strategy rather than going through the normal stages of emotional growth. So, if your alcoholic started drinking at ten years old, you are dealing with a ten-year-old. If your addict started numbing out at 14, you have a 14-year-old on your hands.

Unfortunately, until your addict finds true recovery, he or she won’t develop any more emotional maturity. First hand experience helps me to understand how difficult it is to stand before someone who has an adult body, a grown-up voice, perhaps even a large paycheck, and make the mental shift necessary to communicate with them at their actual emotional level. Here are three strategies that can help you.

1) Set your expectations accordingly.

Don’t set yourself up for disappointment as this can trigger a hurt and angry response in you. How would you approach the discussion if you were dealing with a 12-year-old? Would you approach it at all? Would you expect a teenager to be able to measure up to adult standards? Would you expect an adolescent to understand your point? Or would you, as the more mature person, find more creative ways to get your needs met?

2) Lovingly accept.

If you had a 13-year-old daughter who was acting like a self-absorbed 13-year-old, you would accept that as part of the age, wouldn’t you? You wouldn’t try to change her beyond what was age appropriate. Maybe you would release your frustration by mentally shrugging your shoulders and rolling your eyes as you said to yourself, “Ah, that’s 13!”  Try doing the same for your addict or alcoholic. Please understand that this does not mean you condone their behavior, this is only a path to peace for you. It is a way of loving yourself.

3) Practice judo.

Judo is the art of getting out of the way. A judo master watches his opponent carefully and when the attack comes, the master simply isn’t there. By this time, both you and your addict know each other very well; you know what buttons you need to push to get a reaction. Sometimes an addict will unconsciously push a loved one’s buttons in order to provoke a negative response, which turns into a fight, which turns into an excuse to use. These unconscious patterns will go on indefinitely until someone stops reacting in the same old way. How do you react when your buttons are pushed? What other choices do you have?

Making these accommodations isn’t as difficult as it may seem at first glance. It is a gift you give to yourself as you increase your understanding and begin to reclaim your peace and joy.

Certified life and recovery coach, Sharon Roy, is passionate about helping people who love an addict to reclaim their power and joy. As someone who has “been there and done that” she is uniquely qualified to offer heart-centered coaching and support to those who suffer from the darkness of addiction. Visit http://www.steppingfree.org to learn more about coaching, teleclasses, audio downloads, free writings, and other resources for support and healing.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sharon_S._Roy

The first time I had a wife tell me that her husband was crossdressing, I realized I was ill prepared to counsel her and especially unprepared to talk with her husband. Since then, I have learned the language of the transgender community and thought I would share with you a few of the most commonly used terms.

o Androgynous – Someone whose gender is not obviously apparent based on outward appearance.

o Being Read – Or “getting clocked” refers to someone realizing that another person is crossdressed and is not an actual member of the gender they are presenting themselves to be.

o Crossdressor – Once known and commonly referred to as a transvestite, a crossdresser is a person who wears the clothes of a member of the opposite sex. They will often act as a member of the opposite gender as well and usually do this for emotional or sexual release.

o Drab – Wearing the clothes normally associated with your actual sex. Wearing a suit if you are a male to female crossdresser would be an example of this.

o Drag Queen – A male who is often times gay who dresses as a woman in a manner that exaggerates typical female traits, very flamboyant.

o En femme – When a male to female crossdresser is crossdressed and not wearing typical male clothing.

o Hermaphrodite – Someone born with partial or full reproductive organs of both sexes also referred to as Intersexed.

o Stealth Mode – Someone who is living full time in their preferred gender, never revealing to anyone their actual birth sex.

o Trannie – Slang term for transsexual.

o Transgender – Term that is used for anyone who breaks traditional gender roles.

o Transsexual – Someone whose gender identity and actual physical body are not in sync with on another causing enough emotional discomfort that altering the body through surgery and/or hormones is usually required.

o Shemale – Derogatory term used to describe a pre-op transsexual who has already taken measure to develop breasts but still has a penis.

These are just a few of the terms that are generally used to describe someone with conflicting sexual feelings and the path they choose to address those feelings. It is important to understand what a crossdressor must deal with and if you are going to label them, please use the proper label.

Want to get your hands on the number one guide that teaches you how to pass for a genetic female? Of course you do! My new book is jam packed with information and techniques covering every aspect of crossdressing. Please hop on over to my site and check it out, you’ll be so glad that you did. Got to http://www.MylaMadson.com/cd

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Myla_Madson

I am often embarrassed when I am watching what is rated as a “G” or “PG” movie with my grandchildren when the language becomes questionable and bare bodies fill the screen in some form of tortuous embrace. Before it gets really raunchy, I just turn it off. However, I am always concerned about the aftermath; often angry that my grandchildren should be exposed to such perversion of a communication media. There is no need for sexual innuendos — implicit or explicit — or for foul language in order to be dramatic, novel, and entertaining.

It seems that no matter where we turn, there are bodies in various states of undress on the screen — whether of a large scale video receiver or of a cell phone. It has been estimated that as many as 25% of the commercial websites are pornographic, a figure which quite frankly I found hard to believe; or perhaps I don’t want to believe it. It seems that every writer must use four letter words — even if they become seven letter words with the appendage of “ing” — for dramatic effect. The same is true, of course, of many video series and motion pictures. Such language has even penetrated the board room and business meetings.

There is nothing of that nature in the musicals “Les Miserables”, “Phantom of the Opera”, “My Fair Lady”, or “The Sound of Music” to name a few. There is no such language or risqué sex in any of the works of George Bernard Shaw, Victor Hugo, Ernest Hemingway, John Steinbeck, Edgar Allen Poe, and on and on. The classic movies produced by Alfred Hitchcock and John Ford must be included in these artistic masterpieces that eschewed random explicit sex. The great masters in paint — Monet, Rembrandt, El Greco, and the like — certainly did not depict explicit erotic sexual encounters.

And yet, sex is present in all of these works of art in any media. That is the sex of love between persons, a love associated with the character of the person and their relationship growth and actions. Certainly embracing and kissing are part of the human relationship of two people. Going beyond that is an intrusion of personal privacy, good taste, and unnecessary pandering to the baser instincts of people.

It is certainly possible to write a novel that includes a growing love and affection of two people as part of the development of their characters without resorting to the use of foul language or to inappropriate descriptions of sexual encounters.

Sex is sacred. It is part of our two gender human nature, and part of the procreation of life. Sex also must include a sense of responsibility, decency, and respect for other people. Sex is fun and the center of demonstrating love; it is not a voyeur sport or a business product. It is possible to produce a high quality, successful, and entertaining work of art, whether a novel, a play, a movie script, or painting, that I can view in my living room with my young grandchildren.

Dr. Rocco Leonard Martino is the author of the novel Cancel Christmas! which portrays power running amok to use taxpayer money for private profit making purposes. A modern-day Scrooge plans to use financial pressure to sway the will of elected representatives to win his way. Humor and a budding romance enliven the clash. Dr. Martino has years of experience advising clients globally on finance, computer systems, and management. His book is destined to become a modern day ‘Christmas Carol’. His web site http://www.cancelchristmas.us provides details on the book and how to acquire a copy.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Rocco_Martino

At the point after breakup, you tend to bombard yourself with a lot of questions. Where did it go wrong? This is basically a phase of the after math. You undergo a denial stage where you basically cannot accept yet what has been happening. You tend to assume that things are all the same. Hoping that this is just a simple conflict.

Days and weeks later, without compromise, you realize that things are just not the same, nothing is quite the same. That’s when you result to anger. Later on, you get into a bargaining stage where you tend to be needy and begging for your ex back no matter what it takes. When things don’t go well, you undergo depression. Weeks and weeks of frustration and sulking around looking for answers. And then, finally, after a specific time of moving on, you finally accept the outcome.

The stages of grieving for a loss love is a cycle, one way or another, you will eventually get depress when you don’t get your ex back. What really went wrong? What could have been done that would have made a difference? These are just questions that you need to figure out before you move on. There are actually a lot of compensation necessary to get your ex back. Both parties are responsible for making compromises to work things out.

When you feel like your partner loves you less, do not make it control you. You should control the situation. A good communication between two people is a key to a healthy relationship. Speak out to be heard, and listen to understand. Ask questions and make your communication a lot more open. When you know what upsets your girlfriend/boyfriend, you will definitely know what would make things work out for the best.

After a breakup, get yourselves to talk openly about each other, knowing where you went wrong and what made your lover unhappy will be a great factor as a medium of change. And this should take place immediately before the moving one phase. Do not wait until your ex gets over you, there will be nothing left to put back the pieces.

If you want to get your ex back, change is a must. We all need to make a difference to get a better outcome without present situation. A conflict between two parties is never impossible to amend without good communication. Keeping your mind open to what he/she wants and the willingness to change after listening will surely make you get your ex back.

Don’t stop here, learn how to win your ex back now. Prescilla Heart is a professional relationship advice expert. To read her FREE GUIDE to the best online resources on how to win your ex back, please visit www.howtowinyourexbacknow.com today!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=P._Heart