The biggest downfall of failing to talk with people especially those close to you, it’s not the message you are trying to relay, but the way it is being interpreted. We have to make sure that when we do communicate with our spouses, that we send clear signals without conflict to get our message through. To become effective with doing this we must gain a little understanding in regards to how we say things, for an example this was me and many others I have been witness to; You always are, do, blame, or you need, sound familiar?

That “you” word is up there in regards to psychological power, as it almost immediately triggers the receivers defense mechanism,  so if you see some similarity’s there, don’t worry this is overlooked throughout our world but can easily be changed, I will explain the simple counteractive technique for you now…

I feel that the art of effective communication is more important than teaching trigonometry, would get more attention than “you buggers are not teaching our kids how to live happy… I statements is the simple counteractive technique to the miss use of that word you and it helps with the all important rule of “think before you speak” so you are sure to leave your spouse with something to think about rather than something to defend!

To be successful in how to communicate with your spouse,  I think we need to be truthful and honest with our feelings and say what we mean, and offer reassurance to the understanding of what we are trying to get across.  Misinterpretation is another huge downfall with being able to have a pleasant conversation with your spouse,  rather than guessing what your spouse is trying to explain, simply relay back your understanding to see if you got what it is they are meaning.  I love my wife and have zero regret for learning How to communicate with your spouse among many other soul bonding simple love life techniques…  Please Click Here for more basics on positive relationship help…

I hope you have had some great benefit from this article, and I highly recommend you check out our friend T dub Right Here just what he says in his videos will give you more valuable tips! not to mention the Free email course. I wish you many happy returns, and a one true happy life with your one love…

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Why do some great marriages and some music bands break-up? Both band members and married couples can make incredible music together, at first. For married couples, making-music together relates to the metaphorical adage, “they sure do make beautiful music together.” The creativity produced from just one dynamic pairing of creative and caring partners can produce volumes of beautiful music that fills the air with the full range of emotions, rhythm, (heart) beat, and harmony (metaphorically speaking). Truth is, many marriage relationships at first have the same beautiful dynamic as a duet group.

The similarity between a successful long-running marriage and a successful long-running music band (of any genre) is that the continued meshing of sound, emotions, and individual personalities require trust, communication, cooperation, and creativity. These qualities complement each other because they can be used to be a part of a shared vision. This shared vision between marriage partners can give be a driving force for stability and relationship in the marriage. That is how some music bands and marriages alike are classic, timeless, and still “grooving together” after all these years!

However, you have found this article because you are in search of answers to one of the deepest of emotional questions a person can ask themselves, “Why is my marriage breaking-up, and what can I do to save it?”

Saving My Marriage By Determining What Went Wrong

If the beautiful music made by you and your spouse is fading, then something must have happened between the honeymoon and the marriage relationship’s last devastating issue that has caused it to be in a crisis. The point here is that a marriage relationship is most often effected by negative pressures that either make the two marriage partners bond closer together or drift further apart. The negative effects that are an indication that both of you are drifting further apart are: the feeling that the marriage is no longer exciting, safe to be in, or worth the effort anymore.

To save your marriage, you must identify the negative pressures on the relationship and deal with them appropriately. It is important to do this because these pressures, whether they are work, child rearing, financial problems, cheating, and / or family upbringing differences can be the causes of the marriage problems. Dealing with these marriage pressures at the first opportunity is the first step to solving marriage problems.

Take the Time to Communicate Together

Taking the opportunity to work through one or many of these marriage pressures requires setting aside the time to communicate. Making the time to communicate together to work on resolving marriage pressures can itself be a way of restoring your marriage relationship.

Understand and Use All Four Greek Classifications for Love in Your Marriage

While you take time to communicate about resolving the pressures that are negatively effecting your marriage relationship, you can also use it as an opportunity to display the four different types of love. The four types of love were first classified by the ancient Greeks. The four types of love showcased in this article are the qualities that complement each other to build an equality and honor based marriage that is healthy and mutually beneficial. Such a marriage fosters the building of a shared vision that helps save the relationship from divorce. Such marriages are aptly capable of making beautiful music between the marriage partners.

Agape

“Agape means “love” (unconditional love) in modern-day Greek, such as in the term s’agapo, which means “I love you”. In Ancient Greek, it often refers to a general affection or deeper sense of “true love” rather than the attraction suggested by “eros”. Agape is used in the biblical passage known as the “love chapter”, 1 Corinthians 13, and is described there and throughout the New Testament as sacrificial love. Agape is also used in ancient texts to denote feelings for a good meal, one’s children, and the feelings for a spouse. It can be described as the feeling of being content or holding one in high regard” (Wikipedia: Greek Words for Love).

In order to have a healthy relationship with your spouse again, be open to as many opportunities to display love acts for your partner in a self-sacrificing manner. Furthermore, these displays of love become most beneficial to the marriage relationship when they are exhibited based on the concept of Agape love. Becoming familiar with the use of self-sacrificial love in your relationship will help you to perfect the other three forms of love discussed in this article in your marriage saving efforts. The purpose of framing all of your love efforts in a self-sacrificing manner is that doing so lends itself to a better-bonded marriage relationship.

A few ideas that you can use to display self-sacrificing love are: deciding to take any offense against yourself on the part of your spouse as an opportunity to replace your defensive reaction with an unconditionally patient request to find out why the spouse feels as such about you, forgiving said offense right-away, giving-up something that you like, in favor of doing what your spouse prefers to do, and especially deciding to focus on the needs of your spouse when your own needs could be focused on or demanded. Agape love is the key to making “beautiful music” together.

Eros

“Eros is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Modern Greek word “erotas” means “intimate love;” however, eros does not have to be sexual in nature. Eros can be interpreted as a love for someone whom you love more than the philia, love of friendship. It can also apply to dating relationships as well as marriage” (Wikipedia: Greek Words for Love).

A few ideas that you can use to display erotic love in a self-sacrificing manner are: whispering sentimental words of erotic love that your spouse will appreciate, whispering erotic ideas that you already know interest your spouse, taking opportunities to lovingly touch your spouse in a way that arouses your spouse’s sensual pleasure, preparing a romantic environment in a way that your spouse can appreciate, and being open to work out any problems that prevent the sexual fulfillment of your spouse.

Working on eros love with your spouse in a self-sacrificing manner will not only work wonders to help your spouse reunite with you in your marriage relationship, it will cultivate the desire within your spouse to love you with a self-sacrificing Eros love as well. Self-Sacrificing Eros love is the way to make beautiful “physical music” together.

Philia

“Philia means friendship or brotherly love in modern Greek. It is a dispassionate virtuous love, a concept developed by Aristotle. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. In ancient texts, philos denoted a general type of love, used for love between family, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity, as well as between lovers” (Wikipedia: Greek Words for Love).

A few ideas that you can use to display philia love in a self-sacrificing manner are: find bonding activities that your spouse enjoys and being open to enjoy the activity personally (you can simply use this idea as an opportunity to just spend time with your spouse), engaging in open-ended communication of a confidential manner with your spouse, and then building trust through keeping said confidence with your spouse.

The reciprocal nature of self-sacrificing philia love will build the trust within your marriage relationship that will encourage your spouse to act in a self-sacrificing manner toward building a bond with you. That type of friendship within your marriage relationship is the way to make beautiful “relational music” together.

Storge

“Storge means “affection” in ancient and modern Greek. It is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring. Rarely used in ancient works, and then almost exclusively as a descriptor of relationships within the family. It is also known to express mere acceptance or putting up with situations, as in “loving” the tyrant” (Wikipedia: Greek Words for Love).

A few ideas that you can use to display storge love in a self-sacrificing manner are: If you and your spouse do not have kids together, then you could pop popcorn on a rainy day and watch a movie that your spouse would enjoy, do Saturday morning choirs together, and make dinner together. If you and your spouse do have kids together, then you could go to the park and have fun together, share words of affirmation for each other and fun personal stories together throughout the day, play family fun games together, engage in family tickle sessions, and indulge in weekend vacations together in a place the whole family will enjoy.

These forms of self-sacrificing displays of love together will build the unity, bonding, friendship, trust, and respect for one another necessary in a healthy and functional family. The full-circle nature of family bonding ensures that “beautiful family” songs can be sung, for generations, as an enduring legacy of family love.

You can gain more of an understanding of each of the four Greek words for love, cited above, that can also be used for saving a marriage from Wikipedia at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love, in order to help you even have a greater understanding of the possible opportunities you can have to save your marriage.

Conclusion

You do not need to speak Greek in order to make the proverbial “beautiful music together” that will save marriage dreams from dying through the four Greek words for love. Determine the causes of the negative stresses in your marriage, in order to solve them through communication, then understand the four Greek words for love. Most importantly, take the meanings of each of the Greek words for love and put them into practice in fun and creative ways. This will cultivate a marriage and family life of mutual love that is based on the honor principles of “agape self-sacrifice” that can prevent or stop divorce.

“James Hess writes about marriage restoration and relationship building. Visit James and his wife’s site at http://www.keepmarriagealive.com we are dedicated to helping as many marriages as possible to be made stronger by helping married couples discover marriage saving cures, passion building tips and advice.” Click Saving My Marriage to get your Free “Rescue Relationship Report”

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Good communication is very important especially in marriages which are constantly in crisis. But why is it so important? Without good communication, couples usually get their wires crossed so to speak. Some of these issues involve insecurities brought on by aging, gaining weight, and overall things just not being what they used to be.

One of the reasons for this difficulty in communicating yours or your spouses feelings depends on the environment in which you were raised for starters. Your parents set a model and this model plays an important role in how a person talks with the other partner or spouse.

The man in the marriage is usually the one who has the hardest time talking about how he feels, one of the most common examples is: “his father never said much and he thinks that he is a lot like his dad. He grew up thinking that men don’t have to talk much about their feelings and are usually the rock in the relationship”. What happens is his wife complains that he never shares his feelings or talks to her about deeper issues. And he doesn’t know how to respond to her, he tells her that is just the way he is, so take it or leave it.

Our society has always seemed to condition or ingrained in men not to identify and express worried emotions that are brought on by any circumstance. This is how a majority of marriages can start having complications. At their core, communication resistance among partners are the result of built-in behavior patterns that we were brought up with and now continue. When we have established attitudes and beliefs about how couples should communicate, we tend to stick to that behavior pattern until something really changes it.

Because of this fundamental misunderstanding between spouses, it can cause tremendous strain on what could otherwise be a happy marriage. But, it doesn’t mean that it can’t change. It’s a habit, and like any other habit they certainly die hard, but can be undone with a little practice and patience on your part. Try to convey to your spouse the importance of expressing their feelings, even though they may think it’s silly, explain how important it is to you and how it makes you feel. Explain to them how never knowing how they feel about this or that, confuses you and makes it more difficult for you to do the right thing.

Eventually, they will come around. There are also exercises you can do with your spouse on handling communication issues within the marriage. Take some time to research and evaluate what your spouse may best respond to and put it to work.

It’s all up to you! If you don’t take this action to save your marriage, then who will?

The steps I discovered to save a marriage from divorce have been so successful that it was featured on Dateline NBC and has nearly a 90% success rate! It works even when only one partner wants to save the marriage!

To learn how to save your marriage alone, then check out this plan of actions that is 100% guaranteed. Over 60,000 couples were able to save their marriages by doing the very same series of steps that you will be doing. If they saved their marriages then you can too! Click Here to see how it’s done…

All my best to you and your spouse!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=R_P_Smith

1. Create An Environment Conducive For Addressing Important Issues.

That has worked for me personally time and again; I have learnt over the years how to create that environment in my home. As an example I tend to be most effective when I raise issues just after we have settled down for the evening; have had our meal and are just relaxing watching a casual program to while away the time. The least effective times would be when a more serious or engaging program is on air – like football, formula one racing or a very interesting movie. You might as well be talking to a brick wall at such times. So choose your timings to well to ensure you will get your partners full attention.

2. Verbalize Your Expectations

Just like everything else of importance in your life, planning is important in addressing issues that could save your marriage or break it. Decide beforehand what outcome you will like to have from your discussions and state clearly what your expectations are. Now, this does not mean you have to be high-handed or overly demanding (because approach matter also). But you have to be able to state your desires in a way that your spouse will understand and be able to work with. This is important for both of you in saving your marriage and from there you a mid-point or compromise can be reached if not an outright solution. Like my marriage mother used to say, if you can’t verbalize it, how would you know when a solution has been obtained?

3. Obtain Feedback

In order to save your marriage through open communication, it is important to give and get feedback on your perception of the progress made. Without this crucial step, you will not know when dissatisfaction begins to creep back into the situation. Sharing feedback in this manner means you can nip the problems in the bud and make adjustments as you go along. Most problems are not resolved in a straight line fashion – you have a problem, you get the solution and that’s it. Instead resolutions take time and occur in a zig zag manner, an adjustment here and a tweaking there. Giving and sharing feedback will allow you to know your current status and help you save your marriage.

4. Always Keep The Communication Channels Open

You need to call on your negotiation skills as you attempt to save your marriage. Part of this is making sure there is no breakdown in communication – you need to keep the communication channels open at all times. Allowing a breakdown to occur will only make saving your marriage harder. So as difficult as it may appear, you need to avoid holding grudges and keep talking to your spouse. Talk about the important things and the not so important things. Talk about the past, the present and your future together. Talk about your work and talk about other things that are important to you. In short talk about everything and anything. This will keep the channels of communication well lubricated for when the difficult issues have to be discussed. If all you talk about are your unresolved problems then you will both fall into the habit of arguing all the time; this, unfortunately, is the wrong foundation for saving your marriage.

As addressed in this article, creating the right atmosphere for discussing important issues, clearly verbalizing your expectations, giving and receiving feedback from each other and striving to keep the communication channels at all times will go a long way in helping you save your marriage.

Lara Lawson is a relationship expert. For more great information on save marriage, visit http://www.thesaveyourmarriagecenter.com.

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