Lack of communication is listed as one of the main causes for an unhappy marriage and even divorce. That’s really not surprising. When you were a baby and weren’t able to communicate, what did you do? You cried and threw a tantrum until somebody figured out what your needs were. Now that you’re grown up that won’t work although it’s tried in some form by many spouses.

Good communication takes practice. Remember, you’re communicating even though you may not be talking. Your body language and actions can speak volumes about what you like and dislike. Facial expressions say a lot too. Do you still smile at your spouse?

Some spouses are afraid to smile or be too nice for fear of being asked to do something they don’t want to do.

If that’s your attitude, maybe it’s time to talk. If you’re not happy with your relationship be honest about it and seek a solution. Solutions usually begin at the bargaining table where both parties are willing to negotiate and come up with a solution both can live with.

Find a good and convenient time to communicate. If either of you has a pressing project that needs to be completed or an upcoming appointment, then agree to a more convenient time. At least you’ve made the effort and the cards are on the table. Don’t trap your spouse in a situation where they must listen such as driving to visit the in laws. You may not be in a good mood when you arrive if this happens.

Be tactful in suggesting a talk is necessary. Don’t be demanding but suggest you’d like to visit a while about such and such as soon as they have time. This gives both of you time to organize your thoughts. It’s not good to come to the table unprepared. Know what you’re unhappy with and how you’d suggest the problem be solved.

Once you’re talking, be a good listener. Listening is as important as talking. If your spouse is not as good at communicating as you then compensate. Repeat what they’ve said by commenting something like “Here’s what I think you’re trying to say.” Don’t talk down to your spouse and make them feel inadequate. Both opinions are equally important.

Don’t have distractions when talking like the radio or TV and certainly not when the kids are present. Bringing up a problem during dinner is not appropriate. That would qualify as trapping your partner and problem ruin both your appetites. Your attention must be undivided and you must make eye contact. Allow enough time for a complete discussion.

Strive for a solution but if one is not reached, reschedule a time to continue. Don’t give up. Remember there’s another world besides yours and you must exist in both. Compromise is always a good choice. If you’re wrong, take responsibility and change. If no solution is apparent, professional help may be needed. Communication will not solve all your problems but it’s a good beginning.

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Even If Your Situation Seems Hopeless!

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Being someone is close to you, we get to use many different forms like gestures,  touch and body language, many others that are deemed to be common. Do you use any of those? And it still feels like your communication with your spouse should and could be better…

The biggest downfall of failing to talk with people especially those close to you, it’s not the message you are trying to relay, but the way it is being interpreted. We have to make sure that when we do communicate with our spouses, that we send clear signals without conflict to get our message through. To become effective with doing this we must gain a little understanding in regards to how we say things, for an example this was me and many others I have been witness to; You always are, do, blame, or you need, sound familiar?

That “you” word is up there in regards to psychological power, as it almost immediately triggers the receivers defense mechanism,  so if you see some similarity’s there, don’t worry this is overlooked throughout our world but can easily be changed, I will explain the simple counteractive technique for you now…

I feel that the art of effective communication is more important than teaching trigonometry, would get more attention than “you buggers are not teaching our kids how to live happy… I statements is the simple counteractive technique to the miss use of that word you and it helps with the all important rule of “think before you speak” so you are sure to leave your spouse with something to think about rather than something to defend!

To be successful in how to communicate with your spouse,  I think we need to be truthful and honest with our feelings and say what we mean, and offer reassurance to the understanding of what we are trying to get across.  Misinterpretation is another huge downfall with being able to have a pleasant conversation with your spouse,  rather than guessing what your spouse is trying to explain, simply relay back your understanding to see if you got what it is they are meaning.  I love my wife and have zero regret for learning How to communicate with your spouse among many other soul bonding simple love life techniques…  Please Click Here for more basics on positive relationship help…

I hope you have had some great benefit from this article, and I highly recommend you check out our friend T dub Right Here just what he says in his videos will give you more valuable tips! not to mention the Free email course. I wish you many happy returns, and a one true happy life with your one love…

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Marriage Success Factors and Music Band Analogy

Why do some great marriages and some music bands break-up? Both band members and married couples can make incredible music together, at first. For married couples, making-music together relates to the metaphorical adage, “they sure do make beautiful music together.” The creativity produced from just one dynamic pairing of creative and caring partners can produce volumes of beautiful music that fills the air with the full range of emotions, rhythm, (heart) beat, and harmony (metaphorically speaking). Truth is, many marriage relationships at first have the same beautiful dynamic as a duet group.

The similarity between a successful long-running marriage and a successful long-running music band (of any genre) is that the continued meshing of sound, emotions, and individual personalities require trust, communication, cooperation, and creativity. These qualities complement each other because they can be used to be a part of a shared vision. This shared vision between marriage partners can give be a driving force for stability and relationship in the marriage. That is how some music bands and marriages alike are classic, timeless, and still “grooving together” after all these years!

However, you have found this article because you are in search of answers to one of the deepest of emotional questions a person can ask themselves, “Why is my marriage breaking-up, and what can I do to save it?”

Saving My Marriage By Determining What Went Wrong

If the beautiful music made by you and your spouse is fading, then something must have happened between the honeymoon and the marriage relationship’s last devastating issue that has caused it to be in a crisis. The point here is that a marriage relationship is most often effected by negative pressures that either make the two marriage partners bond closer together or drift further apart. The negative effects that are an indication that both of you are drifting further apart are: the feeling that the marriage is no longer exciting, safe to be in, or worth the effort anymore.

To save your marriage, you must identify the negative pressures on the relationship and deal with them appropriately. It is important to do this because these pressures, whether they are work, child rearing, financial problems, cheating, and / or family upbringing differences can be the causes of the marriage problems. Dealing with these marriage pressures at the first opportunity is the first step to solving marriage problems.

Take the Time to Communicate Together

Taking the opportunity to work through one or many of these marriage pressures requires setting aside the time to communicate. Making the time to communicate together to work on resolving marriage pressures can itself be a way of restoring your marriage relationship.

Understand and Use All Four Greek Classifications for Love in Your Marriage

While you take time to communicate about resolving the pressures that are negatively effecting your marriage relationship, you can also use it as an opportunity to display the four different types of love. The four types of love were first classified by the ancient Greeks. The four types of love showcased in this article are the qualities that complement each other to build an equality and honor based marriage that is healthy and mutually beneficial. Such a marriage fosters the building of a shared vision that helps save the relationship from divorce. Such marriages are aptly capable of making beautiful music between the marriage partners.

Agape

“Agape means “love” (unconditional love) in modern-day Greek, such as in the term s’agapo, which means “I love you”. In Ancient Greek, it often refers to a general affection or deeper sense of “true love” rather than the attraction suggested by “eros”. Agape is used in the biblical passage known as the “love chapter”, 1 Corinthians 13, and is described there and throughout the New Testament as sacrificial love. Agape is also used in ancient texts to denote feelings for a good meal, one’s children, and the feelings for a spouse. It can be described as the feeling of being content or holding one in high regard” (Wikipedia: Greek Words for Love).

In order to have a healthy relationship with your spouse again, be open to as many opportunities to display love acts for your partner in a self-sacrificing manner. Furthermore, these displays of love become most beneficial to the marriage relationship when they are exhibited based on the concept of Agape love. Becoming familiar with the use of self-sacrificial love in your relationship will help you to perfect the other three forms of love discussed in this article in your marriage saving efforts. The purpose of framing all of your love efforts in a self-sacrificing manner is that doing so lends itself to a better-bonded marriage relationship.

A few ideas that you can use to display self-sacrificing love are: deciding to take any offense against yourself on the part of your spouse as an opportunity to replace your defensive reaction with an unconditionally patient request to find out why the spouse feels as such about you, forgiving said offense right-away, giving-up something that you like, in favor of doing what your spouse prefers to do, and especially deciding to focus on the needs of your spouse when your own needs could be focused on or demanded. Agape love is the key to making “beautiful music” together.

Eros

“Eros is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Modern Greek word “erotas” means “intimate love;” however, eros does not have to be sexual in nature. Eros can be interpreted as a love for someone whom you love more than the philia, love of friendship. It can also apply to dating relationships as well as marriage” (Wikipedia: Greek Words for Love).

A few ideas that you can use to display erotic love in a self-sacrificing manner are: whispering sentimental words of erotic love that your spouse will appreciate, whispering erotic ideas that you already know interest your spouse, taking opportunities to lovingly touch your spouse in a way that arouses your spouse’s sensual pleasure, preparing a romantic environment in a way that your spouse can appreciate, and being open to work out any problems that prevent the sexual fulfillment of your spouse.

Working on eros love with your spouse in a self-sacrificing manner will not only work wonders to help your spouse reunite with you in your marriage relationship, it will cultivate the desire within your spouse to love you with a self-sacrificing Eros love as well. Self-Sacrificing Eros love is the way to make beautiful “physical music” together.

Philia

“Philia means friendship or brotherly love in modern Greek. It is a dispassionate virtuous love, a concept developed by Aristotle. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. In ancient texts, philos denoted a general type of love, used for love between family, between friends, a desire or enjoyment of an activity, as well as between lovers” (Wikipedia: Greek Words for Love).

A few ideas that you can use to display philia love in a self-sacrificing manner are: find bonding activities that your spouse enjoys and being open to enjoy the activity personally (you can simply use this idea as an opportunity to just spend time with your spouse), engaging in open-ended communication of a confidential manner with your spouse, and then building trust through keeping said confidence with your spouse.

The reciprocal nature of self-sacrificing philia love will build the trust within your marriage relationship that will encourage your spouse to act in a self-sacrificing manner toward building a bond with you. That type of friendship within your marriage relationship is the way to make beautiful “relational music” together.

Storge

“Storge means “affection” in ancient and modern Greek. It is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring. Rarely used in ancient works, and then almost exclusively as a descriptor of relationships within the family. It is also known to express mere acceptance or putting up with situations, as in “loving” the tyrant” (Wikipedia: Greek Words for Love).

A few ideas that you can use to display storge love in a self-sacrificing manner are: If you and your spouse do not have kids together, then you could pop popcorn on a rainy day and watch a movie that your spouse would enjoy, do Saturday morning choirs together, and make dinner together. If you and your spouse do have kids together, then you could go to the park and have fun together, share words of affirmation for each other and fun personal stories together throughout the day, play family fun games together, engage in family tickle sessions, and indulge in weekend vacations together in a place the whole family will enjoy.

These forms of self-sacrificing displays of love together will build the unity, bonding, friendship, trust, and respect for one another necessary in a healthy and functional family. The full-circle nature of family bonding ensures that “beautiful family” songs can be sung, for generations, as an enduring legacy of family love.

You can gain more of an understanding of each of the four Greek words for love, cited above, that can also be used for saving a marriage from Wikipedia at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love, in order to help you even have a greater understanding of the possible opportunities you can have to save your marriage.

Conclusion

You do not need to speak Greek in order to make the proverbial “beautiful music together” that will save marriage dreams from dying through the four Greek words for love. Determine the causes of the negative stresses in your marriage, in order to solve them through communication, then understand the four Greek words for love. Most importantly, take the meanings of each of the Greek words for love and put them into practice in fun and creative ways. This will cultivate a marriage and family life of mutual love that is based on the honor principles of “agape self-sacrifice” that can prevent or stop divorce.

“James Hess writes about marriage restoration and relationship building. Visit James and his wife’s site at http://www.keepmarriagealive.com we are dedicated to helping as many marriages as possible to be made stronger by helping married couples discover marriage saving cures, passion building tips and advice.” Click Saving My Marriage to get your Free “Rescue Relationship Report”

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